Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
