There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize