I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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