look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
