You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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