dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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