She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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