you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
