Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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