I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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