The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
