speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
