"it" just moved
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
