he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
