Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
