I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
