I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
