Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
