Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
