Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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