I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My bed smells like the plague
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