I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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