I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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