I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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