Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
