Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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