At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
