best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
