i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
