a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i out mim tonsoeep
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