Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
