I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize