He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
