wat bout pragnant strippers??
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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