You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
