Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
