I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
