Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
