We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ladies don't puke and tell
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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