im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
