sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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