I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
