Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
