He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
