You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
