Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
