miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
