Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize