Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
