Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
