Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
