Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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