Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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