last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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