i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
