Your face is a jimmy john
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
