Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
