i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
