One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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