She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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