You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
