you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
