I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize