I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
