1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
