I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I supernannyed him into submission
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