its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
