you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
