The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
