grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
